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Sunday, March 14, 2021

what CHAPTER are you in?


This is technically CHAPTER 9 😮😳🤯🧐

As I looked back at my physical moves (location wise). I must say...

THIS Chapter is just as/probably more challenging than residing in PA, LA, & NY combined. THIS chapter is about “endings,” accepting change, & most definitely understanding relationships (of all forms - past & present). 

It’s like life is preparing me for this new pivotal age (coming to fruition December 2021). What I haven’t been prepared for drastic health changes & the loneliness. 

THIS chapter = reDefining myself/searching for my place in the world. 

All this to say...WHAT CHAPTER ARE YOU IN? 


~deeply out 🖤

the break in we

(written 3/4/21)

To grow apart is a growing edge 

A growing edge, I don’t wanna start 

The start of end 

The length in start 

The art that came 

The tears grew pain 

The pain grew scars 

The scars not healed

The healing’s now 

The art of thou...

Thou are not that

That one you shun

Thou are not that 

Thou are not 



What is it called when art comes from pain? When words just flow...

movement flows...

Your brain being programmed for pain? A previous once told me this, some years back. My combat was...I joke around all the time, I laugh all the time. I just can’t create when I’m happy. 

I’d rather go out an live life when I’m happy. 


He IS my inspiration, my motivation in frustration 


You can’t force something that the universe wants you to let go~

~deeply out 🖤

Saturday, January 16, 2021

GROWTH is . . .

. . . when you can say: I'm not like them & that's ok. 

. . . when you can acknowledge that you fffd up in the past & still believe that you are more than your last mistake.

. . . when you can set aside time in your day to reconnect, to honor your spirit, your worth, and just breathe.

. . . when you can look at an enemy's name, mourn the past & have no lingering thoughts. You breathe again.

. . . when you can legit catch yourself when the 'old you' begins to service.

. . . when you can see the good in everyone, even when they don't see it in you.

. . . when you can begin receiving the good, the paise & know that you ARE valuable.

. . . when you have nothing to prove, but you continue learning & continue supporting.

. . . when you can decide who you WANT to support, not who you think you should.

. . . when being an outsider is your strength because you have created your own lane.

. . . when you are now more aware of what being alone is for and why it has been so important to your journey.

. . . when the person you are the most connected with comes back! - They see you and they hear you now - after any BS you've been through together.

. . . when you choose to not be linked to a certain individual, just because everyone else is.

. . . when you've reached the "age of no return" and have finally decided that your emotions are valid and your choices are your own. FUCK the ones who never gave you a chance, gave you the time, nor wanted to engage in adult conversation.

. . . when (if you're like me), you understand that Family isn't always your blood. You can create your own family >>> FRIENDS. (& the fewer the better lol)

. . . when you finally receive a role that you are confident that you can take on and you are doing a great job at it.

. . . when you can have a role that gives you much access, but you're choosing to not be shady and merely do your job. 

. . . when those you look up to, trust YOU. 

. . . when you can say what you mean, mean what you say and honor your word. 

. . . when NO amount of hate, dislike, or "she's so negative" can keep you from being an artist and sharing your ART

. . . when you can say to yourself, there's nothing more I can do with that person or relationship, it is what it is. 

. . . when you can say: I know I did nothing wrong. I will no longer blame myself. (for that particular situation)

. . . when you can continuously and apologetically take accountability. 


GROWTH is a process. Growth will continue to be a process. And I myself, I'm not completely healed yet, but I'm working on it - I am allowing for growth to happen. 

Pops of the past may come up, but I'm trying to stay present and find forgiveness for myself. <<< this is GROWTH. 

~ deeply out ❤

photo credit: The Female Lead